who defines normal?
In case you didn't know: Systems of domination and submission (and bondage, and pain, and restriction...) are what is "normal." What is truly taboo... is defying these oppressive structures and untangling the ways they have invaded our most intimate inner realities.
Kink and BDSM have become nearly synonymous, but what are we really saying when we use these terms?
Kink has become a catch-all term to describe "turn-ons," but typically refers to unconventional sexual preference or activity.
A deviation from "normal."
This stems from the common usage of what "kink" really implies:
a twist, bend, disruption or restriction in flow.
A hose gets kinked. A sore muscle can be referred to as a kink.
An unexpected mishap may throw a "kink" into one's plan.
BDSM is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.
The D and S are frequently assumed to represent Domination and Submission.
When kink and BDSM are used interchangeably– and are normalized as the primary way to conceptualize desire–
a few things happen:
We internalize that our unique sexual preferences are inherently deviant (kinky)
We internalize an assumption that our sexual preferences must fit into a system of restriction, pain, and dominance/submission dynamics.
We perpetuate the misconception that playing with "power" means practicing domination.
Our practice of sexual exploration becomes limited within these mindsets of judgement and hierarchy, such that...
what could be an intimate act of liberatory pleasure (sex+sensuality)...
...becomes an automatic re-creation of the cultural norms that alienate us from true desire and power.
In case you didn't know:
The systems of domination and submission (and bondage, and pain, and restriction...)
are what is "normal."
What is "unconventional," deviant, and taboo... is defying these oppressive structures and untangling the ways they have invaded our most intimate inner realities.
The real taboo is to shed the protective, false veneer that isolates us from authentic power.
The true thrill lies in reclaiming our desires, our intimate acts, our ways of relating from the culture of domination.
Assuming that our desires for sexual power must be made to fit within a framework of dominance and submission limits our ability to recognize other ways of experiencing power.
When we stop judging our desire as "kinks," we stop clamping down the power of that desire: the power of our body.
We can start to see desire for what it truly is:
a felt experience our body is seeking to release.
Letting ourselves experience this type of awareness is what lands us squarely in our body, in the present, in reality.
It gives us the insight and power to actually claim agency in our lives: instead of playing small within the cages constructed for us by those who benefit from our submission.
BDSM is a lens for exploring the common ways power is exerted over or taken from us throughout everyday life: how have you been conditioned to love degradation and oppression, how have you been conditioned to submit?
Kink is just a twist in your psyche. Like a garden hose, a tense muscle, or plans gone awry. No need to judge.
Just stop kinking yourself and go see what flow you're capable of.
